Sunday, May 17, 2009

Week 8, Day 6: The recent scares...

This pregnancy thing is for the birds (and the bees, I hear). I mean, you can't do anything you really enjoy, your eating and drinking is restricted, you're sick/achy/crampy/tired all the time and every little thing scares the bejesus out of you. Here are the two recent bejesus scares that we have encountered.

The first is due to the lack of smarts my doc's office staff seems to have. Please know that my doc is supposedly the best in Tucson. And I truly think she is. Hutch is professional, personable and makes you feel like you are her daughter, not her patient, at each visit. You can tell she loves her job because you can feel genuine excitement when she sees the ultrasound pic. Even if it is only a sack.

But her staff? Well, they are a different story. My last visit included the dreaded blood work. Because the blood work was done at a lab in a different office than my doc, I didn't know if someone would be calling me with results or if I needed to follow up. Therefore, when I hadn't heard anything by Thursday of that week, I called the office to see about the results. To be honest, I didn't even really know what the hell they were testing for but I wanted to seem like I was on top of things and, since they felt the need to drain me of blood, I felt the need to know what they found out.

The nurse that would be able to tell me this information was "busy with another patient" when I called so they put me through to her voice mail. I left my information and told her what I was calling about and, according to the message on the vmail box, they were to respond within 24 hours. Well, don't count on that. I didn't hear back until this past Wednesday (almost a week later). Her message was very choppy and she sounded very confused and, honestly, incompetent. She said everything looked ok and that I am B positive (which I already knew at this point). I am HIV negative - umm, ok. Thanks for letting me know. I kinda already figured that. But then she gets to something on the paper and stops. She starts doing this: "well, now wait....ummm...hmmm...well, there's something here....well, we will just talk to you about it at your next appointment...." This nerve wracking "ummms" and "hmmms" went on for minutes (or at least it felt like it) and the words "rubella" and "measles" kept getting mixed in with her inconsiderate hesitations. Well, I just chalked it up to no big deal. If it were a big deal, I am sure she would have asked me to call her back or come in earlier.

So, later that evening, I mention to T that I finally got a call back from the doc office about my results. I told him what the nurse had said and the weird, incompetent "umms" and "hmms" and I mentioned the word "rubella". OMG. Was that a mistake! T was freaking out!! I mean, really freaking out!!! He was like "you have rubella????? That's SERIOUS!!" I started feeling my blood pressure rising and sweat breaking out around my hair line. I was like "I don't think I HAVE it, she just said something about it and that they would talk to me about it at my next appt." He flew like the wind to the Mac in the living room and googled 'rubella.' Instantly, tears welled up in his eyes as he read what could happen to the baby (forget the incubator herself) if I had rubella. Still birth, deformities, baby dies within a month...if you even get that could also cause miscarriage this early on..yadda yadda.

He started quizzing me about how I felt. Do I have a rash? No...well, maybe I do now but I think it is from the stress sweat pooling on my lower back. Do I feel feverish? No...but I feel like I am going to puke or have diahrrea every five minutes...but that has been for weeks now. He was totally upset and, according to the look in his red glassy eyes, the pregnancy might as well be over. His boy cashew was a deformed kid that will be born still - dreams were gone. I will admit I got defensive. Probably because T is my rock. My positive force that keeps telling me things will be ok, that I will have a life again, that things will be even better. To watch him fall apart sent me tail spinning into a drama fest that had me raising my hormonal voice a tad. "There is nothing I can do right now about it," I kept telling him...but then I remembered that we have the most AWESOME OB nurse in our family. His SMom Linda.

Linda and I texted back and forth until she gave up on the small keys and just called me. She assured me I did NOT have rubella. The blood work tests to see if I am IMMUNE to rubella and, according to Linda, most women past 16 are NOT immune to rubella because their childhood immunization shots wore off. She said I had nothing to worry about. What they will probably talk to me about at my next appt is to stay away from kids with a fever and a rash. I said, well, I will be traveling in July - what if a kid on the plane has it. She said that the liklihood of running into any kid (or anyone) with rubella is highly unlikely. All kids are immunized and, since they are the biggest germ carriers, there should be no one we would encounter that would spread it to me or the cashew. Whew, fear averted. All is well again. And, although T was bouncing around in a great mood after Linda's info, it took me a while to regain my composure and stop the sweat beads from soaking my sports bra.

The other sorta scare was last night. We went to the movies after having greasy bar food and I ended up with my usual movie snack - nachos with peppers. All day (and probably for the last week) I have been stressing and complaining about how much I don't like not being able to do things I want to do. How scared I am of having to tote around a kid all the time for the next 18 or more years. You know, all the things that I think normal women fear during pregnancy. Especially when the pregnancy is so early that you don't feel attached or like you are really pregnant other than the waves of nausea and comatose naps.

Well, we were leaving the movies and I felt a pretty intense crampy/pain type thing in my lower left pelvis. When I held it in, it felt better. Now, if I hadn't had two ultrasounds up to this point, I would have been scared out of my mind that it was an ectopic pregnancy but we know that's not the case. I went to the restroom on the way out to pee and saw absolutely no blood (and haven't even had a tint of blood this whole time) so that was reassuring. But it is still scary walking the long trek back to the car wondering if all hell is going to break loose any minute. But I kept reminding myself that I bled FIRST before the cramping started last time.

With the way T reacted to the rubella incident, I decided to down play the pain I was feeling and just get home. But I will admit I was scared and bracing myself for another miscarriage. But then I realized something...I swam pretty hard with Tatum on Friday. My inner thighs were actually a little sore on Saturday morning and, knowing the muscles you use to swim, I realized that my lower abs probably got quite a work out as well. So maybe that was it - plus, it DID feel a lot more like a muscle pull than a uterus cramp.

Then I also had another thought - this one not so lady like or graceful. Maybe it's gas. I mean, I did have a lot of grease and nacho cheese that will kill you in large quantities. If that's the case, a simple process of "waiting it out" might be all I need.

All of this made me realize that, even though I am not one of those women that revel in pregnancy and show off belly and whatnot, I don't want to have a miscarriage either. I do want things to progress wonderfully. I instantly felt bad for my earlier ranting and, since T and I now have a babysitter strategy (that is top secret) at dinner, I already felt much better about getting myself back to normal someday and being able to have the fun I so desperately miss from time to time. I guess that's how nature works. It takes an incompetent nurse or gas bubbles the size of Manhattan to make you realize you are ok with things.

Today I feel pretty good. I still have waves of nausea. Water still makes me want to gag. I had my usual bathroom excitement this morning. I napped at lunch. And I am cramping on the other side (which feels more like my uterus expanding or something). But, other than that Mrs Lincoln, how ARE you enjoying this play?? But all in all I am ok, not bleeding and temporarily not bitching. So that makes for a good day. Too bad T's missing it!! Haha! =]

Two more days until my appointment at 9 weeks. This is when most women go for their first appointments and I have been lucky enough to already have two. From what I have read, I should be able to hear a heartbeat. I feel bad that T will be out of town for this one but I am planning on taking the camera and videoing it so that he can experience it on the road. A few more weeks will be the NT Scan test to see what my odds are (or cashew's odds are) for abnormalities. Not looking forward to that because of more blood work! These daggone vampire doctors!!!

That's all for now. Keep positive thoughts rolling along!! So far, so good!!

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